My fear of the dentist
Disclaimer: If you are scared of the dentist, please don't read this!
Hello and good morning! It's a grey start to the day in the UK, but I'm here writing another blog post for you. I'm going to be sharing, my fear of the dentist and why my fear took over my life. These are true stories of what I'm about to write, it doesn't mean that these will happen to you.
If you can relate to these circumstances, you will be able to understand why I' terrified of the dentist.
If you want to know about my before and after braces transformation click here!
Brief teeth history:
I was born 3 months premature, this had a huge impact in the growth and development of my teeth. When my baby teeth came through as bruised and oddly shaped. Seeing this as a child is shocking and terrifying. especially when you are comparing your teeth to other children's which are pearly white and pristine. I thought that when my adult teeth would come to play it would be fine. But it wasn't. They also came through as bruised, grey and white, with a hint of yellow discoloration on a few teeth. Not just that, but I had teeth above the gum-line, overcrowding and extra teeth; I looked like a shark, and that was one of the many names I was called. When it came to looking after them I was good for several years, but the bullying got to a point where I thought 'what was the actual point'; I would brush them only once a day, a few days a week. I would lie to my parents about brushing them. This made the trips to the dentist interesting.
Early memories at the dentist:
I don't remember many, but from what my mother has told me. At the age of 3 I would sit in the waiting room and cry, and this was before I had even sat in the chair of doom. She would constantly say, "your teeth need improving, they are dinosaur like". She would be rough with my mouth and make me bleed. My mum would always hold my hand, she would sit here and keep quiet. But this was just the beginning of the dentist.
Year 6 rolled around, I was 10 years old. I remember walking to the dentist with my mother beside me and I was shaking with nerves. We entered the waiting room, check in, I would sit in the chair and sob silently. As soon as my name was called my heart was in my mouth, tight chest alongside with a burning sensation. I would walk in slowly, little legs trembling. Sitting there in the chair, piercing light in my eye, same witch inspecting my mouth. She would pull vigorously on my mouth, stating that my sisters teeth were perfect, and that mine were "awful" in comparison. As she was checking my mouth with one of the metal tools she slipped and sliced the inside of my cheek. I let a a scream and cried. "Don't fuss". I ended up calming down, after 3 nurses were called into the room. She then said "she needs a filling". Her words hurt more than slicing my cheek, I cried with nerves, thinking that this was going to be the worst pain in the world. The sound of the drill made me numb, I had nurses either side, holding my hand as a shook with fear. She was rushing the entire process, it was extremely painful, and no numbing solution was applied. I was in so much pain, I cried through the entire process, I wanted her to stop and slow down, but she wouldn't.
This terrible experience was one of the reasons why I was so scared of the dentist. her terrible attitude and lack of care for me was another. And the dentist I attended was unprofessional. For example, the receptionist looked dirty, she wore too much make-up for work, despite her boss telling her to tone it down; as it gave the wrong impression. The waiting room was dull and uncharacteristic, and there was nothing for children to do if they were nervous.
Year 8, it was similar to other experiences, I would cry on the way there, and have a panic attack when I was called into the room. I was also due to have another filling, I had remembered my other experiences and I was terrified. This time they tried to inject me with local anesthetic, instead of hiding the needle, she showed me what she was about to inject in my mouth, and then said, "stay still or this will hurt terribly". That being said, and she knowing what I'm like, having seen me for 8/9 years she still continued to scare me. I cried hysterically, and she told me to "don't be so stupid". When she put the needle in, 3 nurses again had to hold me down, I shut my eyes as tight as I could and waited for it to be over. Fast forward to her drilling, the sound of the drill bought me back to my various traumatic experiences in the chair. I started to panic, and then stopped breathing as it made it easier for the dentist to do her job. Me being as still as possible, she moves and misses my tooth, she drills my tongue! MY TONGUE! She was drilling my top teeth, I was being still and she moved towards my tongue...
At first I was numb, a few moments later the burning sensation started emerging, I put my hand below my mouth and it was covered in blood. I screamed and tried to move out of the room. The nurses held me down and said "it will be over soon", my dentist said in a lighthearted voice, "ops, how clumsy of me". After getting me to calm down she continued doing what she was doing. I was sobbing in the chair looking at my mum and saying that I want it to be done and over with.
Year 10, I was 15 at this point, and I was booked in for another filling, this is because my teeth were so weak I needed artificial support. You would think that with age I would become braver, but my fear of the dentist didn't fade. I still had my mum with me, talking to her calms down my nerves but hearing my name being called into that room sets me off and makes me panic. All the flashbacks of what's happened previously put me on edge. Again I walk in slowly, with small shaky legs. Sitting in the chair, bright lights in my face. Preparing what's about to happen, 3 nurses are there holding my legs and rubbing them to calm me down, another nurse beside me holding my hand, and my mum holding my other hand. The dentist says, "you are making such a fuss you silly little girl" and then tuts. A burning sensation exerts through my body, I was so upset and embarrassed; but this was her fault for why I felt like this in the first place. She started drilling my tooth, I was complain like the previous experiences, and yet again I stopped breathing. She then move and drills the back of the wrong tooth! I scream in pain and begin to cry. The experience was over. A few weeks pass and a throbbing pain starts to settle in, it gets worse over time. Because the dentist had drilled the back of the wrong tooth I couldn't brush it properly which caused a mass amount of infection. I was in the worst amount of pain, apart from suffering with severe IBS, but that's another story. I went to the dentist with my mum again, I was not prepared for the amount of pain I was about to endure. I went into the consulting room, and my mum had said that this was her fault, she then said "if you daughters teeth weren't so misplaced I could have done my job properly". That was a tense atmosphere. She then said, "that tooth is coming out". I puked. I was terrified, I cried like I haven't cried before. I was shaking to the point where it was scaring my mum. They had to have a total of 4 nurses and the receptionist to calm me down. They injected me with the local anesthetic, she said if I could feel anything, and I could. She gave me 3 more doses, at that point she couldn't give me anymore because it was against the policy and the law. But I felt everything. I felt the clamp ripping my tooth, I told her to stop but she didn't. She ignored my duty of care and continued. The nurses as to hold me down, I was gripping the receptionist hands so tight I made her bleed. Their was a contrast wiggle and pull for 5 minutes. I was screaming, crying and having a panic attack. I felt my root leave my mouth. From then onward everything was numb, I was in so much pain I passed out. I remember waking up and holding my chin and I was COVERED in blood. I was told that this was not normal to loose that amount of blood. I started to panic, but I was so weak, the witch told me to "be silent". She shoved a cotton bud in the whole and pushed hard, and then said "sorry"; and then smiled.
To this current day I am still scared of the dentist, I haven't been in 1 year 6 months as I have been getting my teeth checked at the orthodontist. But I have an appointment soon and I'm dreading it. Although I have a new dentist, as the other one was fired, or as she said "she's going away". But she's been "away" for quite some time. He's a nice dentist, but I'm still trumatised with what has happened. These aren't all the stories, these are just 3 out of the many horror stories
This was just my experience with the dentist, my sister had NO trouble what so ever, and neither did my mum. It was only ME. I feel that she done this on purpose as she hated my teeth and wanted me to feel bad.
This does not happen to everyone, this was just my experience, the people I have spoken to this has NEVER happened to them. The more people I spoke to, the more publicity this dentist got until she was actually fired.
Thank you for reading this post, it was a very hard one for me to make, as it gives me subtle flashbacks of the traumatic experiences. Hopefully on my next appointment I won't be so sacred, as I'm 19 and been through a lot worse with my orthodontic treatment.
Thank you for reading this post, if you are going through this then I hope this helps you because you aren't alone. It does get better in the end, I'm still hoping that my end is near :).
I hope you are all well, and if you need to ask me any questions email me or leave a comment down below :)
Stay tuned Little ones, see you soon :) x x x
